// Aubrey //
To the girl who doesn’t feel like she is enough,
I am struggling right along side you.
But also know that God’s got you. He is there for you to lean on, to cry to and to listen to you. He wants to hear what you’re feeling, even though he already knows. He wants that relationship with you. How great is that? Our creator, the person who made every single person on this planet, wants to listen to you. He cares for you. He loves you. To him, you are perfect. You were made in His image and, girl, God doesn’t make “not enough” or “ugly”. He makes enough, and he makes beauty.
There was a time in my life not too long ago (almost a year) where I felt like I was not enough. I often found my worth in others instead of God. I based my worth upon whether I had a boyfriend and how I looked – I was (and still am) struggling with insecurity of my body, making it difficult to feel worthy of someone’s love at times. I thought that to be enough, I needed a boyfriend – which is not okay.
To make a long story short, my boyfriend and I of two years had just broken up. I was heartbroken, even though I tried to hide that from him. I thought I was going to marry this guy, he was that special to me. We broke up and a week later I found out that he and one of my very close friends had been talking, for who knows how long, prior to and after the breakup. I was absolutely crushed. Cruel things were said to me, and friendships were broken.
I fell into a pit of depression; I cried myself to sleep for countless nights and I quit eating. I lost a significant amount of weight and I was just not myself. I had lost my boyfriend and best friend all in one person, and I had also lost a friend who I considered one of the closest people to me at that time. There were other times in my life prior to this where I had felt like a failure, where I had felt like I wasn’t good enough, but this was the worst of them all. I was broken.
During the remainder of the summer, I found myself questioning a lot of things about who I was as a person. What made me “not enough” for the person I thought was my forever? Why was it so easy for him to find someone else? What was wrong with me? So many negative answers to those questions popped into my head and for a while, I believed them. Yes, I knew they were straight from the devil himself, but I was SO insecure that I just fell into believing them anyway. I did eventually hit a point where I was so broken that I knew something had to change. I knew that I needed to cling to the one thing that remained, and that was God. I slowly began to pull myself up.
I dusted off my bible, began attending church on a regular basis, and things began to look bright again. I got super involved at my church, became a youth leader, and joined a small group. I made new friends, and rekindled old friendships that now mean so much to me. I was finally starting to pick my feet back up, and began walking again, little did I know that soon I would be running back into the arms of my Father.
As I found my way back to my faith and my Father, I finally knew that this past relationship didn’t define me. I knew that even though I may not have been enough for my ex, I was enough for God. Through Him I realized that this heartbreak, this season of my life, was all just a part of HIS plan.
Notice how I put emphasis on “his” because that’s what it is. It’s not my plan, and oh man am I beyond grateful for that. If it would have been my plan, I would have been married to my now ex-boyfriend and could’ve potentially hurt myself more in the long run. God knows what he is doing, and even though it took a while for me to “come to my senses”, I look back on this breakup and realize just how God was working amid one of the hardest times of my life.
What I am trying to say with this story is that sometimes things happen in our lives that make us feel like we are less than enough. The enemy will try to knock you down by putting thoughts into your head to convince you that you aren’t enough. He jumps at every chance he has to break you.
Be strong. Find comfort in knowing that God is there, even though it may not seem like it now. Remember that He made you, and He made you well. He knew what he was doing when he created you with the things you call “flaws.” Know that you are always enough for Him and His love.
You. Are. Enough.